A guide to driving in Atlanta

Thought I’d put down a few guidelines for driving in Atlanta. Let’s say you’re new to the area and looking to drive in a manner that best allows you to fit in with other motorists…

1. Blinkers – blinkers, turn signals, indicators, it doesn’t really matter what you call them because they are really not to be used. When approaching pedestrian-dense intersections in downtown and Midtown or navigating the winding streets with hidden turns and drives in the Highlands or Druid Hills, it’s important to keep those around you guessing. The bottom line is that random changes in speed, erratic changes in direction, and abrupt turns are all positive elements to driving and walking in a car-obsessed city.
   
2. Highway Interchanges – be advised that the giant 3-4 "exit only" lanes for I-75 and I-85 are changed on a daily basis. This applies to the exits for I-20 downtown as well. You never know where they will be, so never commit too early to a lane. I always wondered why people acted surprised that they were on the wrong side of an 8 lane highway (despite the advisory signs overhead and lettering on the pavement for miles preceding). Now I know, and you do too.
   
3. Keep passive – when driving in Atlanta, passive is key. Till now, my guiding principles were to be assertive, predictable, and get where you need to go, without being impetuous and angsty. Here it’s the opposite: maintain a proper degree of oblivion to your surroundings and when in doubt, open up a can of road rage. A few specifics? When a light turns green, wait until the car in front of you has advanced while pretending not to notice. When first at an intersection turning left (yielding to oncoming traffic), it’s equally acceptable to complete the turn on yellow/red as it is to simply revert back and wait for the next time. When merging, be sure to use up all of the merge lane (after all, you pay taxes on that part of the road too). Lastly, when driving your SUV 94 mph on I-85, it’s important to note that you can still be passive and not pay attention, just don’t slow down.
   
4. Multitasking – if you’re not multitasking while driving, you’re wasting time. Traffic being what it is (you know, due to inoperative blinkers and dynamic road infrastructure), you simply need to be getting more done while driving. Top choice around here: talking on the cell phone. The preferred manner is to put the phone in “hands free mode”, and hold it about six inches from your head so that you are more efficient by only using one hand to drive and you can still monitor your device for incoming text messages. Bonus: it’s perfectly legal! Bottom line here is that you don’t want driving alone to be too much of an active experience.